I enjoy my solo/single life. I love the people who surround me. But do they feel that same to me? I love my job, my hobbies. But they are inanimate objects who can't make me feel loved. Everything seems perfect but at some juncture in my life, I want to disappear. Literally.

Nobody listens. Nobody cares. Nobody appreciates.

Stupid may I be, narcissist? Demanding? But how jealous I get when I see they invite him to go out. It crashes my heart to realize when nobody wants to join me. Nobody makes the same or even 1/2 of their efforts towards me. Nobody is willing to wait. Everyone starts their meal when I'm not around, and when the others haven't yet arrived, they wait. 

Do I even exist?

I even question my visibility. Am I not good enough to be in your company? Oh please I'm doing my best to reach out. I'm always an option. The residual.

It's ridiculous to think when people become aware of suicide when one committed. When during his lifetime, it's obvious to see that someone is left out, someone is hurt, someone is broken, BUT nobody comforts. Nobody makes him feel that he is not alone. Everyone judges him overreacting. Insensitive.

Is it unfair to demand to feel the "belongingness" in a group? Is it not okay to call you whenever I need someone to talk to? I thought we're friends. Well, that's just I thought.

And therefrom I decided to become independent and appreciate being alone. Depending your happiness to a group or to another person will only make you look stupid. The more you exert your effort towards a friend, the more he'll forget exerting efforts back to you. Coz you feed him with complacency.

That's probably the greatest irony in life that I can imagine. The more you exert effort, the more you'll get ignored. The more you show your emotions to them, the more you'll get mocked.

Stand up. Eat alone. Value your time and wait for nobody. Same thing to him, value his time and don't make him wait for you. Train yourself to be independent. Do not rely your happiness to someone or to a group. So as to avoid the feeling of being left out. If you depend yourself to YOURSELF, you'll never feel being left out. You'll never feel being ignored. Yourself is the only person who will stay with you for a lifetime. 

At the end of the day,  people come and go. They will just walk away and forget you. And when you meet again everything is different. You can't go back to the old times.

I'm contented now. Yes, I'm hurt, I feel ignored. I feel being left out most of the times. But I just tap myself and say "I'm here."

That's the sad part. And tears are now flowing down to my keyboard.