Few months ago, I took Myers-Briggs personality type test and it revealed that I am an ENTP-T. Extroversion, Intuition (So this is the N huh?), Thinking and Perception - Turbulent. Most of the letters indeed represent my personality except on that very first one.

For some reason, I kept on asking myself: am I extrovert or introvert? It's really a big deal for me to know because I don't know what role do I play for the society. There are days where I'm having fun with this bunch of friends and a few days later, I'm already left behind.

I often thought, is there something wrong about me?

Okay, going back to my identity crisis. LOL.

I thought I'm introvert
In my first job in Deloitte, our batch has had the time to know each other for quite a long time since we were sent immediately to an engagement prior to having You@Deloitte. Fast-forward, during You@Deloitte, one of the facilitators asked me to introduce myself.

"I'm an introvert person."

Vividly I remembered the whole room was shocked, they were raising their brows due to confusion.

Okay, relax. I'm sorry but that's what I knew.

My colleagues wouldn't believe that I am an introvert person. They said that I can speak in a huge crowd, comfortable to be with many people, vocal and "bida-bida."

Confirming the Truth
I searched for the characteristics of an extrovert person, as they say I am. Then I found this one website which lists down some attributes of extroversion, enough for me to assess who really am I. And here they are:

1. Broad interest - 100% check! I can draw, and paint. I love to collect postage stamps. I love to sing. I blog. I write. I love Math. I love languages. I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I REALLY LIKE!!!

2. Likes to communicate by talking - hmmm partly true. Sometimes, I prefer to communicate by staying silent. Makiramdam ka. *Insert grin.*

3. Enjoys being at the center of attention - well during college I guess this was true. But now, I'm kind of withdrawn and avoid the limelight if not needed.

4. Tends to act first before thinking - yes. I'm result-driven rather than making a structured plan.

5. Enjoys group work - BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! No, I don't. Well, I am open for meetings, brainstorming, but once we established our goals, I'll sit on that one corner to finish our task/project towards completion.

6. Feels isolated by too much time spending alone - partly yes. When I would buy some stuff or go outside, I want someone beside me. I can't go alone. But little by little, I am training myself and working on that, to go somewhere with or without someone. Because in life, you'll encounter a person who will ask you to accompany him to somewhere and when it's your turn, he says NO. Such a thick-skinned beast. LOL.

7. Likes to talk about thoughts and feelings - there you go! You're reading the proof.

So almost half of them were not true to me. On the other side of the fence, there are times that I feel I am alone, and I just want to be alone. Like my tank is running out of fuel and I have the need to refill it with solitude.

Yeah, I talk to many people. I am not shy to start new conversation but days shall pass, I am left behind. They form their group and here I am, making a new acquaintance.

Sometimes, I also avoid human interaction and be in an extraordinary dimension of mine. Like just the universe and I. No buildings, no people, just a blank space and myself. I pause cos when I don't, I'd burn out.

Another manifestation of my introvert side is I don't go to parties. I don't go shopping or in any amusement park. I don't wanna hang out and even  go outside if not necessary. I just wanna be on my room. Be alone. Read something. That's it. I can still remember, way back in college, I just attend my classes and go home immediately. Cos partying or going to malls do not interest me at all.

Who Am I?
I don't know why you are reading this, or why I'm even broadcasting this, but just in case you care: I believe I'm in the middle.

Confusing more than you can imagine.

Ambivert as they call it. I can be your extrovert friend who can tolerate your energy and join you in party sessions (but not all the times). And at the same time, you may find me at the corner of a room, talking to 3 people: me, I and myself.

Oh do I creep you out? Haha.

Let me quote what Sylvester McNutt III said, "I'm both extrovert and introvert. I like people, but I need to be alone. I'll go out, vibe and meet new people, but it has an expiration, because I have to recharge. If I don't find the valuable alone time I need to recharge, I cannot be my highest self."