Be a Self Motivator and an Independent Creature
September 08, 2018
One of the greatest lessons I learned for the past 23 years is all about social independence. I refer to realizing that you need to be a self motivator and not to depend from your friends.
Yes, you're surrounded with colleagues.
Yes, you share jokes and puns with them.
Yes, you eat your food with them.
But for some reason, you still got left behind.
You thought someone's gonna offer you to see a movie, invite you for a party, or have a quick catch up. Well guess what? Nobody's offering you the way they do to others!
Unfortunately, during the times when you need moral support, nobody's cheering for you. Nobody's willing to help. Neither do they have open arms or helping hands. You then start thinking,
"I give everything to them. I consider them my true friends. I make the most effort in our friendship but why when I need them, nobody's present."
That's just the paradox of life!
You'll be surprised if I say: the more you give, the least should you expect something in return. The more you show affection to the friendship or to any relationship, the more they'll become complacent not to put attention to you.
Because you're decreasing the spice in the relationship. You're spoiling it. Most likely, the more you take in charge of the friendship, the more you are taken for granted, no?
You then get disappointed when you receive nothing. Even just HALF of what you did!
Deadly Phrases You Should Not Be Saying
What I learned in this life is golden. The following phrases are deadly, and as much as possible, I avoid uttering these to anyone (except to my family/super close relatives or unless I can't contain it anymore):- I miss you a lot / I will miss you.
- Let's catch up.
- Hey you're too busy. Di na tayo nakakapag-usap. Mind going out for a quick catch up?
- Come on, let's eat na.
These phrases, for me, show much of affection that we often forget being independent as a human being.
It is imbued to our minds that we always need to catch up with our company.
That it is a taboo eating alone and we need to look for a company to join with.
We believe we need to have a company to survive the day and without one, everything gets dull and boring.
I can't emphasize it more: being alone and independent is completely okay.
Imagine not seeing your friend for quite a long time. Has he ever said "I miss you?" Did he ever initiate a coffee catch up session? What's the ratio of your initiative versus his initiative to keep the friendship/relationship? Ever thought of it?
Stop punishing yourself!
It is imbued to our minds that we always need to catch up with our company.
That it is a taboo eating alone and we need to look for a company to join with.
We believe we need to have a company to survive the day and without one, everything gets dull and boring.
I can't emphasize it more: being alone and independent is completely okay.
Imagine not seeing your friend for quite a long time. Has he ever said "I miss you?" Did he ever initiate a coffee catch up session? What's the ratio of your initiative versus his initiative to keep the friendship/relationship? Ever thought of it?
Stop punishing yourself!
Resolution to Myself
Since I read a self-help book, I have promised to myself that I will be an independent creature. I'll cut much of emotion to virtually anything. Just recently, I disabled my birthday notifications, so only people who really know my birthday would greet me.
I'll never get disappointed if someone will forget a special day for me. I'll never get disappointed if I don't receive a surprise from them the way they do to their others.
I'll eat my food with or without a company. I'll buy my favorite snack in the nearby 7 Eleven with or without a friend. And most importantly, I'll take a leap and pursue my goals and aspirations, with or without support of anyone.
I believe, this is the golden lesson that is worth to learn. Social independence.
Conclusion
It's not being anti-social. I'm in no way saying that you should throw away your friends and cut your ties. Perhaps just minimizing or, if not, completely diminishing any emotional investment because that is the root cause of your mentality that you need someone to be happy and that you need someone to start pursuing your goals.
It's not about narcissism but rather knowing your worth as a human. You were not created by your parents to serve people who you aren't sure if they care for you or not.
You'll be surprised if they're the first to say they miss you.
You'll be surprised if they ask for the catch up first.
You'll be surprised if they're the one who offers to eat lunch first.
Be a self motivator. In this world, nobody's gonna support you the most other than yourself. Do not depend your happiness to the people who surround you. Truly no man is an island because a man can be a continent himself.
Be an independent creature because actually, you are!
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